dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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