you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
