tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
