how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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