I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
