Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
