So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
