Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
