Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
