im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
