It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
