I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
