After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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