I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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