No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
