Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
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