they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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