you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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