apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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