And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
