when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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