I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I think my moral compass just broke
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
