She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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