we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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