thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
