Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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