She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
