My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
