I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
