i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
