I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
