I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
3 2 1 whiskey
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
