I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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