Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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