I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
