Barsexuality is the new black.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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