so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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