its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
why do cheetos always look like penises
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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