I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
