you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
When did angry sex become our thing?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
