the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
