just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize