DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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