maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
he high fived his dick after we had sex
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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