he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
