this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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