i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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