But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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