OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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