Me. At least after what I've been through.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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