I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
