we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize