ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
