so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
