I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
