I intend to get homeless drunk
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
3pm strippers are depressing
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
