so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
