is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
