I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
