So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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