Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize