I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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