Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
