ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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