Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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