You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
In other news, I just burned my penis
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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