It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
